Spin Again

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$12.95 eBook RBR Publishing Company 168 pages PDF file size: 1.1 MB

Since 2004, RBR Newsletter readers have laughed, cried and been thunderstruck by the wacky wit & wisdom of Scott Martin in his weekly column, "Scott's Spin."

Now his columns – 181 of them – have been collected for this Spin Again eBook, a unique, insightful, sometimes twisted, often comical exploration of road cycling.

"When RoadBikeRider.com asked me to pen a weekly column for the newsletter," writes Scott in his eBook's introduction, "I figured the only thing missing was somebody to look at the sport from the perspective of the average cyclist whose greatest victory might be just getting out for a ride."

"I also thought that in our strange obsession for this quirky sport, we roadies can be pretty funny, in all senses of the word. I wanted to explore some of this funny business, in hopes that others would find it as entertaining as I do."

Judge for yourself in the three Spins we present on this page:

• Hardly Workin'

• Liar, Liar

• Gimme a Break

Spin Again gives you 178 more of Scott's columns in a collection that runs the gamut of roadie experiences. Some Spins will have you nodding your head knowingly. Others will provide new perspectives. Many will have you grinning or even laughing out loud.

Enjoy Spin Again just as you would a fun ride. Start at an interesting place and meander a while, relishing the twists and turns. This eBook will refresh your perspective on road cycling ─ and perhaps your enthusiasm. Then come back anytime to enjoy more Spins again.

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Author Scott Martin has been writing about cycling for more than 15 years. He worked as an editor at Bicycling magazine for 10 of them and has also covered the sport for several national magazines. An avid roadie for most of his life, Scott is an experienced racer, a veteran bike commuter, a dedicated century rider and a longtime bicycle tourist. He lives in Northern California.

SCOTT'S SPIN: Hardly Workin’ 

I used to dream about someday working in the cycling industry. Messing around with bikes all day. Raking in the big bucks. Beating back groupies with a frame pump.

Then I got a job in the cycling industry. One out of 3 ain’t bad, right?
Yes, sometimes in the bike biz you can ride during working hours and pass it off as business, which almost makes up for the industry’s shameful lack of money and groupies.

"Yo, boss. Gotta do some prototype testing on the new chainstay protector. I’ll be back in mumble-mumble hours."

Try that with a non-cycling employer. "Pardon me, Mr. Tyrannous? I’d like to review the third-quarter budget figures during an afternoon bike ride."

"Fine," he’d reply. "Don’t forget to factor in the savings we’ve just achieved by eliminating your salary."

Another cycling-career option is opening a bike shop, something just about every cyclist has contemplated, me included. Mess around with bikes all day, be your own boss, wear an apron at work and not feel silly.

Then I remember that I can barely screw on a plastic valve cap without stripping the threads. "Cut your $500 carbon fork’s steerer tube? No problemo, sir. Uh, tell me again which is that steerer tube thingie."

Plus, I’ll never forget what one industry veteran told me about the financial side of bicycle retail. "Owning a bike shop," he said, "is like bleeding to death from a paper cut."

So I’ve resolved to be happy with my current, cycling-free occupation. No work-sanctioned "test rides," but the pay’s okay. And you can't imagine how many groupies are attracted to the glamorous field of direct-mail marketing.

Or maybe you can.

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SCOTT'S SPIN:  Liar, Liar

I sure hope Lycra isn’t flammable. Because – judging by your response to my call for devious cycling sayings – your pants are on fire.

Welcome to the club, fellow prevaricators. Don’t forget to add these gems to our growing vocabulary of sneaky things roadies say (and what we really mean):

“It’s not that hilly”
Translation:  This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. Be careful on the steep sections or you’ll fall over – backward. You have a 39x23 low gear? Here’s the name of my knee surgeon.

“This energy bar tastes like real food”
Translation:  This energy bar tastes like real dog food.

“You’re doing great, honey”
Translation:  Yo, lard-o, I’d like to get home before midnight. This is what you get for spending the winter watching football and gobbling Snausages. I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 when I had the chance.

“It’s not that windy”
Translation:  Yes, that was a mobile home cartwheeling by. No, they’re not supposed to be that mobile.

“I was just riding along when it broke”
Translation:  I rode down a flight of stairs on my 398-gram race wheels. I drove into the garage with my bike on the roof. I decided to save weight by filing the rails on my saddle.

“This is a no-drop ride”
Translation:  I’ll need an article of your clothing. It’s for the search-and-rescue dogs.

“The proprietary Carbonium tubing yields a stiff yet compliant ride”
Translation:  This bike feels exactly like the 14 gazillion others produced in a monster factory in Taiwan, but our marketing guy had to come up with something to justify the $4,000 price tag.

“It’s not that far”
Translation:  Yes, it is.
 

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SCOTT'S SPIN:  Gimme a Break

I dread this time of year. Not because of the prospect of Thanksgiving dinner with the in-laws (complete with turnips, candied yams and the lamest vegetable of all, Uncle Myron).

No, I fear November because it’s in the most grueling part of the training year: the rest period.

Just about every cycling regimen worth its salt tablets heartily recommends taking a break about now. Recharge your batteries. Catch up on household projects. Spend more time with the family.

Sorry, but I don’t need anybody clamping jumper cables to my body, er, battery. And one of the reasons I ride is so I never have to plant those hydrangeas, stain the cabinets or plug that gas leak.

Spend more time with the family? See: Dinner, Thanksgiving.

Actually, I tried to rest one November a few years ago as part of a training program I read about. As prescribed, I did nothing for 7 whole days. Felt pretty good, and gained only 20 pounds.

Then I spent 3 months riding conservatively, never letting my heart rate rise above watching-the-Weather-Channel level. I zigzagged up speed bumps. The Senior Center Walkathon passed me. Spiders spun webs in my big chainring.

But, boy, when those 3 months were up, I was . . . well, I was really good at going slow. Took me till October before I could inflict pain on my riding buddies. Which is the whole point of training, right?

Look, taking a break is fine if you’re a pro and cycling’s your job. For me, riding is my vacation. I don’t need a break from my bike. I need a break from life, and riding is it.

Besides, if I can’t ride on Thanksgiving, Uncle Myron’s going to be wearing those candied yams.

TOC:  Spin Again by Scott Martin

About the Author Introduction Contents Chapter 1: On Cycling Culture 33 Spins! Chapter 2: On Gear 28 Spins! Chapter 3: On Fitness 35 Spins! Chapter 4: On the Road 38 Spins! Chapter 5: On Racing 25 Spins! Chapter 6: On Roadies 22 Spins!   Excerpts